I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
