haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I would fuck him just for his dog
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