Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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