Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
