I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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