My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
