worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
