Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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