im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
