I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
