I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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