a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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