It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
