I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
