The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
