So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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