three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
