that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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