I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
