So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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