Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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