I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
