she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
