The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
