i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
