Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
