don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
