Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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