this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
