A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Who died my cat blue again?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
