I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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