Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
