it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
