Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
