we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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