it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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