Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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