I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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