This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
