I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
