Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
