Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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