Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
