guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
