Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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