You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
