The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
