Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
