He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize