I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
