This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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