Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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